


The intricacies of doubt and hope

by thevaliantdust



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, Episode 39, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevaliantdust/pseuds/thevaliantdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After he confronts his sister, Vax'ildan heads to his room for some peace and quiet. Keyleth has other plans.</p><p>Set during episode 39 (Before all hell breaks loose)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The intricacies of doubt and hope

If he wasn’t so distraught he’d probably find it funny.

In the same way he had sat, waiting, on his sister’s bed, Keyleth now sat cross legged on his.

He noticed her and stopped in the doorway of his room. “Kiki,” he breathed, a resigned greeting. He should have known this was coming.

“Vax,” she replied in a tone which suggested she was not going to be easy to deter. 

He nearly turned and walked back out, but it was _his room dammit_ , and besides, a large part of him ached for Keyleth to talk him around. To slap some sense into his spinning head. To set right his aching heart. So he stayed, leaning against the door frame, neither in nor out.

When Keyleth realised he wasn’t going to come any closer, she rose haltingly from the bed, taking a few tentative steps towards him. “Vax,” she said again, softer.

His eyes on the ground, he took several moments before he looked up at her. Her face, concerned before, now held an expression of deep worry, and possibly some… guilt?

Before he could question it, Keyleth exhaled a sharp puff of breath and broke into her signature babble of words. “Look if this is about the conversation we had back in Whitestone, if you’re upset that I haven’t given you an answer, then I’m sorry, really I’m very sorry it’s hurting you but it’s just a lot to think about and there are a lot of things that- well, I’m just sorry, okay, because I don’t want you to be sad and I don’t want you running off and I don’t want it to be my fault and-”

Overwhelmed by Keyleth’s sudden prolific confession, it took Vax several moments to realise exactly what she was implying. 

“Kiki,” he tried to interrupt, “Kiki… _Keyleth_!”

His forceful use of her name finally broke through her spiraling stream of consciousness, and she met his gaze, wide eyed. Immediately, he softened.

“It’s not about you,” he assured her softly, moving towards her. “I said I’d wait, and I meant it. You take your time.” He tried not to be hurt as her shoulders dropped in relief.

She nodded, her sudden stillness in stark contrast to her tirade moments before.

He stood before her, not sure what else to say. The ache in his chest seemed to be getting heavier with the weight of her concern.

Eventually, Keyleth spoke. “So what is it then? If I’m not the reason, why didn’t you come home last night? We were really worried, Vax.”

A sharp pang of pain joined the ache in his chest. The word ‘home’, so casually slipped in, only served to remind him of his misgivings. She must have seen it on his face, because immediately Keyleth reached out to him.

“Vax?”

A large part of him wanted to brush her off with another ‘not now Kiki’, to bury his hurt and his confusion, let it simmer beneath the surface until he knew what to do about it. A larger part longed for her gentle touch.

He let her fingers touch his cheek, his eyes closing slowly as he welcomed the contact.

“Vax,” she said again softly, this time entreating him to speak. He reached for her hand, pulling it away from his face but keeping it clasped in his. He met her eyes, seeing only care and concern, the visceral gentleness he loved so much about her. It broke down the last of his walls.

Once the words started, he couldn’t stop them from pouring out, unfiltered and raw. Every doubt he’d had, every moment he’d questioned, every regret and every longing. He noticed her flinch when he confessed his doubts about members of Vox Machina, and the crease of her brow when he fondly recounted the simplicity of travelling alone with his sister. He hated that his words seemed to hurt her, but he knew she’d value brutal honesty over some pacifying half-truth. 

“... and I just don’t know anymore, I just, don’t.” He was breathing heavily, his confession more taxing than he’d imagined. Silence hung between them and he waited for her to react. Perhaps she’d give him a cold invitation to leave, maybe she’d just storm out herself.

Instead it was a slow nod. “I understand,” she said, and at once he knew she did.

“You need to do whatever you need to do,” she told him, her voice measured, as though holding back a great deal of emotion. “Just-”

He frowned, waiting for the rest of her sentence. She took a shaky breath, meeting his eyes with a surprising intensity.

“Just don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Her quiet resignation, her unspoken blessing, it was a punch to the gut. Suddenly the reality of leaving Vox Machina became all too real, far from the abstract concept it had been during his musings. 

He wrapped his arms around her. “Of course not,” he promised. Some of the ache in his chest eased as her arms went around him in return, her head laying on his chest. 

He wanted to tell her he wasn’t leaving, that he was overreacting, that it would pass, anything at all. But his word meant to much to make empty assurances. Instead he just held her for a long moment, swaying slightly on the spot.

“Well I’m not going anywhere tonight,” he managed after a while, imbuing his voice with false cheer that was painfully transparent. Keyleth’s smile was equally forced as they broke apart.

“Of course, after all we’ve got that announcement to attend,” she reminded him. “It would be a bit rude to stand up Sovereign Uriel.” 

Vax gave a slight but genuine chuckle. “I suppose I’d better change my cloak,” he continued the fragile banter.

Keyleth’s soft tinkling laugh warmed him enough to break him from his melancholy, if only for a brief moment. 

“I’m sorry for worrying you, Kiki.”

She dismissed his apology with a shake of the head and a gentle squeeze of his hand. “Everyone needs a moment to think sometimes,” she shrugged. “I’ve had to do a lot of it myself lately.” She paused, unsure for a moment.

“We need to get going, but maybe…” she bit her lip before continuing. “Maybe when we get home tonight, we can talk again… about… _other things_?”

Her none-too-subtle inflection clued Vax in to her meaning, and his eyes turned hopeful.

“I’d like that,” he replied with a smile.

Suddenly reddening and slightly bashful, she excused herself to go get ready. Vax watched her go, feeling a small sense of belonging beginning to return. Maybe this was something they’d figure out together.


End file.
